“There are seasons when to be still demands immeasurably higher strength than to act.” ~Margaret Bottome
Dear Universe,
When I arrived in London over a month ago, I had a strange moment.
As I was going through customs, the gentleman had a few questions for me. This was to be expected of course. He asked the usual like why was I coming to London? Business or pleasure? Where would I be staying? Did I plan on doing any other traveling while I was here?
These questions were standard fare and I breezed through each one no problem.
But then he asked me something else.
“What will you do after your trip is over?”
I stumbled. I stuttered. I sure as heck must have looked like an oddball.
What would I do when the trip was over? You see, I hadn’t thought that far ahead. I was hoping coming to London would rejuvenate me! Inspire me! Give me some thoughts on exactly this question. Couldn’t he see that?
This man was stressing me out. I had to give him an answer, though.
“Go…home?”
He seemed satisfied with that response as he stamped my passport, slid it back to me and wished me a nice time.
I walked away, less than satisfied. In fact, I was worked up!
Yes, what would I do when the trip was over? What if I left London much the same way I arrived? No inspiration, no major life changing ideas? What would I do then!?!?!
I pushed this thought out of my head as I hailed a cab, but as the trip went on, here and there this man’s voice would pop into my head when I least expected it!
Bugger!
“What will you do after your trip is over?” I heard one night when I lay awake restless.
“What will you do after your trip is over?” I heard when I walked around the city streets feeling a sense of gratitude.
“What will you do after your trip is over?” It repeated like a chorus in the soundtrack of my day during that final week—at dinners, at movies, on the subway… everywhere.
Well, here I am at home. Happy to be back. And no, I haven’t had some grand epiphany strike me nor have I had some inspirational-life-changing moment.
But I realized something.
It’s okay.
Really, it’s okay. There are moments in life to be inspired. Others are meant to decompress, rest and regroup. I may not be a bundle of endless energy ready to attack a hundred new projects and ideas, but it’s okay.
I’m relaxed, still trying to take things one day at time like I did on the trip, and that is enough—for now. I’ll try to enjoy it while it lasts. I think the hardest thing for me is learning not to feel guilty about it since I’m the type of person who always wants to be working towards something—whether that’s with work, relationships, self-improvement, creatively…
Thank you for the realization that sometimes it’s fine to just be still. Still doesn’t mean halted or stuck. It just means not running around at a frantic pace trying to be superwoman every second of the day.
So that’s what I’m trying to do now that the trip is over. It’s not the answer I would have ever thought I’d come to, but it’s a welcome surprise.
That being said, I’m also ready for that strike of inspiration to hit me. Because in my experience sometimes, when all is still, when I’m not actively seeking, that’s when the unexpected happens, when the answers come.
All of a sudden someone or something points you in a certain direction.
Ready when you are, Universe. 🙂
With Gratitude,
A
