“We often want it so badly that we ruin it before it begins. Overthinking. Fantasizing. Imagining. Expecting. Worrying. Doubting. Just let it naturally evolve.” ~Unknown
Lately I’ve been thinking about how easy it is for our natural train of thought to default to the negative automatically.
This idea keeps coming up in my own life and in conversations with others. Just the other night, a friend was telling me how she met this great guy who wanted to date her. As I grew more and more excited, she grew more and more pessimistic.
I listened as she talked herself out of dating him altogether—despite their immediate connection.
As I am familiar with this runaway train of thoughts getting ahead of our reality, I pointed out to her exactly what she was doing.
We are creatures that, more often than not, assume the worst instead of the best.
It’s as though, at any given time, our mind can spew out an endless stream of negative thoughts, worries, scenarios and situations (most of which are untrue). But in thinking about them and repeating them (to ourselves or with others) we are making them true.
As soon as the opportunity comes our way, we think of all the reasons why it won’t work, could go wrong or is not meant for us. Eventually those thoughts turn into beliefs—beliefs we hang onto as firm truths.
It’s kind of a bummer really.
We are so quick to talk ourselves out of things instead of talking ourselves into things—things that might just be amazing if we could believe that.
We convince ourselves a promotion is not for us because we are not ready enough, smart enough or prepared enough. I could never get a job like that.
We meet the person of our dreams and immediately look for faults or reasons why it won’t work out. He’s probably not over his ex.
We say we are not ready to move on yet, that we’ll never be ready. I’ll always be stuck here.
We have a dream we’d like to pursue, but then tell ourselves we’re crazy to go after this vision. Who am I to dream anyway?
Most of us simply don’t believe that life is rigged in our favor.
We are always playing out the pitfalls—from the minor things that could go wrong to the worst case scenarios filled with doom and gloom.
But the problem with this—besides it being a terribly negative outlook on life, and besides us possibly manifesting things we truly don’t want—is that if we can talk ourselves so easily out of possibilities when something positive comes our way, then we will give up the second something challenging comes along.
When a roadblock or obstacle comes our way we perceive it as an affirmation that we were right all along, that this thing was never meant for us. We use the roadblocks as an excuse to stay right where are.
Really though, roadblocks are there to help direct you.
They ask how badly you want what you are chasing after or hoping for. They ask you to pause and reassess if you are still on track and heading in the right direction.
If we train our minds to stop the negative spiral and take a more positive path (it takes a constant commitment to be mindful of this) then we might be more likely to take a chance or step into an opportunity.
And if we can convince ourselves that something is meant for us, rather than the opposite, then when we are faced with a challenge, we can much more easily navigate around it.
We won’t give up because it simply won’t cross our minds as an option.
I’m not suggesting that it means we never walk away from things or people. Sometimes in life certain things are not meant to be or are not suited for us.
But there’s a difference between consciously walking away from something not serving our highest good and walking away every chance we feel insecure or worried.
It takes practice, but the more we stay in tune, the easier it eventually gets to decipher from make believe and reality.
Make believe can make you believe the worst. Focus on what’s possible and you’ll see anything is possible. (Tweet that!)
Mantra: I am open to positive possibilities. I believe things work out for my highest good.
Stop talking yourself out of things. Stop letting your fear, worry and doubt rule your life.
When it feels like something could actually be a good thing, try saying yes instead. Let all the reasons it could work be what your mind focuses on.
Fill your mind with positive thoughts. Think of everything that could go right.
Try imagining the best, instead of the worst. (Tweet that!)
You can always redirect your path, but you can’t always go back for a re-do. The opportunity may not be there anymore.
Turn your fear into fearlessness. Take a chance and go for that change you’ve been wondering about. Give that person, opportunity, job or dream a chance.
Give yourself a chance.