“There’s nothing like looking at your own history in the faces of your friends.” ~Ani Difranco
Dear Universe,
I’ve been thinking a lot about history. Not world history. But the history between people.
It’s been on my mind for various reasons, but it came up in conversation the other night. I was having dinner with one of my closest and oldest friends and we started reminiscing.
In short, we know a lot about each other. We know almost everything about each other. And it’s a little unusual because I’m a girl and he’s a boy and people always say guys and girls can’t be friends and all that.
Sally Albright: I thought you didn’t believe men and women could be friends.
Harry Burns: When did I say that?
Sally Albright: On the ride to New York.
Harry Burns: No, no, no, I never said that… Yes, that’s right, they can’t be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people, then they can… This is an amendment to the earlier rule. If the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted… That doesn’t work either, because what happens then is, the person you’re involved with can’t understand why you need to be friends with the person you’re just friends with. Like it means something is missing from the relationship and why do you have to go outside to get it? And when you say “No, no, no it’s not true, nothing is missing from the relationship,” the person you’re involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you’re just friends with, which you probably are. I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let’s face it. Which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is men and women can’t be friends.
Okay, so the genius Nora Ephron wrote it and Billy Crystal said it in When Harry Met Sally but it kind of makes sense and it’s one of my favorite movies. Therefore, I am citing it as hard evidence.
However, my friend and I may be the exception to that rule. We really are close friends and we know how lucky we are, how rare this is.
So there we were dishing out memories—good and bad—and discussing the history between us when he wondered if maybe we knew too much about each other.
I laughed. I know what he means, but I appreciate that we have so much history between us. In fact, I think having a common history between two people can make an unbreakable connection. Whether it’s with my family or my closest friends, there is something comforting about not having to explain everything. You can jump into a story or the latest news in your life and they just get it. You don’t have to explain the backstory—the who, what, where, when, how or why—because they were there when it happened. They lived and experienced it with you the first time around.
I understand there’s a certain appeal when you meet someone new. You can present your best self, be who you want to be, tell them what you want, choose what to disclose and when, and you can leave out all the embarrassing or tragic moments from your past.
But that’s no fun. I’ll take history any day. After all, every now and then it’s good to be reminded of the ridiculous thing I did as a teenager. Even better, it’s comforting to be understood completely. There’s such security in being accepted and not having to worry about having an off day or a bad mood. They don’t judge; they just love you through it.
Because that common history is what bonds you together, makes you close, makes you family.
Besides, all those tragic mistakes from the past? Well, those are the same people who are always there to make sure that history never repeats itself.
Thank you for the incredible people I have around me. I wouldn’t trade them any day, any year, history and all.
Much Gratitude and Deep Appreciation,
A
