“We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.” ~May Sarton

Dear Universe,

Recently I was reading a story of someone who has a high profile, successful career. But the story wasn’t about her success.

The story was about how she was hiding who she really was for fear of being criticized or not fully accepted at her job.

And she wasn’t hiding herself because she was keeping some dark, sinister secret. She was simply afraid of how her colleagues would react if they found out she was some meditating, yoga-loving, essential-oil-yielding, spiritually-conscious individual.

Immediately, I related to this.

For years, I kept parts of myself hidden—or rather, I compartmentalized who I was based on where I was and whose company I was in.

So at work, I was the focused, serious academic.

At grad school I was the aspiring writer.

With my closest friends, I was the spiritual seeker—intrigued by psychics, crystals, gurus, and all things bringing me closer to my intuition and higher self.

Privately I was the meditator, yoga practicer, writer, inspiration seeker and reader.

And when I traveled alone all over the world, I became more independent, fierce and curious than I had ever been.

The thing is all of these aspects are me. But I never felt I had the freedom to share all of who I was.

I didn’t think my job would want to know about my “wu-wu” side. And when I met someone new, I rarely revealed my fascination with past lives or sacred rituals. Instead, I focused on my love of literature or travel; they felt like safer zones.

This blog? Well, it remained anonymous for so long because I feared students or colleagues finding it—not because I was writing anything scandalous or doing anything wrong—but I just didn’t think it would be understood or accepted.

I remember when I first met my now husband, I debated on how quickly I could share my spiritual side, my writing and my aspirations to create a jewelry line.

I was surprised at how quickly I did share these things with him. I think it was because I instantly knew what our relationship could be and I didn’t want to keep dating him unless he knew all of me.

I think I was also just tired keeping parts of me secret. And when you are with someone who sees you exactly as you are, you don’t want to hide anything.

Even though I’ve become more open in who I am—sharing more about myself on this blog, on social media and in person at events, I can still find myself compartmentalizing parts of me based on who I am around and who the audience is.

When I am teaching, I never mention I am an inspirational writer or an entrepreneur who loves creating jewelry and spreading messages of hope.

When I am giving a speech or talk, I rarely introduce myself as a professor. I instead focus on my more spiritual background that brought me to that stage.

But more and more I see that it’s futile to keep compartmentalizing who I am.

Hiding who I am only limits my potential to reach—and hopefully help—more and more people. Who’s to say there isn’t an acquaintance who would love to sit in one of my meditation classes? (There is.) Who’s to say there isn’t a colleague who might like my jewelry? (There is.)

It turns out that I’m my best secret weapon and when I hide from who I am, I prevent greatness from occurring.

I see this happening with people around me too. I notice others who are unsure of who they are or who hide who they are. The thing is I can spot it almost immediately. And instead of them coming across as mysterious or multi-faceted, I just see them as confused.

They seem confused as to who they really are so they slip into different roles, depending on what would suit them. They follow trends or jump on board with what someone else might be interested in or just seem to have no real direction—with nothing connecting or resonating.

I wonder if that’s how I appear to others whenever I don’t fully own all the things I am doing—and who I am as a person.

The thing is I am not confused—far from it. I am more certain today of who I am than I ever have been in my life. And I am comfortable with all these pieces of me that make me this dreamer and designer, literature-loving, wu-wu writing, insightful-inspirer, mindful-meditator, mosaic of a person.

So many of us say we want to live our happiest, most fulfilled lives, but that means stepping into who we are all the time—not just occasionally.

I think where we go wrong is not knowing ourselves fully or worrying about what others might think of us.

But we owe it to ourselves to figure out who we are—what makes us tick, what we love and what we don’t, what fills our soul up, what our deepest desires are and what we want to do with this one grand life we’ve been given.

Once we do that soul-searching work and discover who we really are, we owe it to ourselves to live it fully, live it out loud, and share ourselves however we see fit.

Because when we don’t, we’re left with a feeling of emptiness. We’re left feeling confused and confusing those around us. What’s worse?

When we are not completely certain of who we are or we are not fully embracing all parts of ourselves, we can get sidetracked or lost.

We can end up surrounding ourselves with the wrong people, doing things that aren’t making us truly happy, and just floating from one thing to the next, grabbing onto anything that looks or feels good, hoping something will eventually stick.

Been there. Done that. Thankfully moved on.

But until we are fully who we are, and feel comfortable sharing that, then chances are none of it will stick. Or if it does, it will eventually just feel phony, empty or unsatisfying.

We all need to stop pretending, faking, or playing parts that aren’t who we truly are—for whatever our reasons may be.

It’s a waste of our time to be anything other than who we are. The truth is nothing is more satisfying than being fully and completely accepted, fitting in our own skin, and shining our gifts for the world to see.

None of that is possible when we step away from who we are to step towards who we think we should be or need to be.

That story I mentioned in the beginning has a silver lining. The writer realized that she needed to share who she was—no matter the consequences of what people thought. Spoiler alert: people were far more accepting than she imagined they would be.

And my story has a silver lining too.

Like I mentioned before, I’ve gotten better at sharing who I am.

I realize when I hide who I am, I’m not attracting the types of opportunities or connections I’m craving. I want deep, meaningful, soul-filling, real, loving connections. I want exciting, soul-stirring opportunities.

And sharing all of the parts of me means I am drawing the things I want closer to me.

Life today feels more genuine, authentic and fulfilling than it ever has before.

Can it still feel vulnerable and hard at times? Yes! But my hope is I keep evolving, opening up and sharing.

And my hope is that everyone else can do the same—that each of us gets in touch with who we really are at the core, that all the layers that make us feel a false sense of protection or acceptance can be shed, and that we don’t feel the need to hide or fake who we are.

We can just be. Completely. Truthfully. Fully. Alive.

With Gratitude,